What Incompatibility? It Is Sheer BS. Not Understanding the Psyche of the Partner Is the Issue.

Have people become less accommodative? Statistics show that there has been a massive increase in divorce rates in the US in recent years. Even in some of the Asian countries that include India, where family values are said to be respected and cherished, there has been a significant increase in the divorce rates. This may perhaps be due to the so-called "Westernization" of societies. The reason may also be ego clashes or the so-called "incompatibility." But why do such splits take place? Is it possible to avoid them? Can couples lead a happy and peaceful life? 

The answer is "Yes. It is possible for couples to lead a happy and peaceful married life." The following tips may help.

1. Never, never try to bring about a change in your partner.

You may think that you can bring about a change in the attitude of your partner. But remember your partner may also be having a similar idea. In reality, neither you nor your partner can bring about a change in the other person. In fact, changing the other person is not in your realm at all. You have not married your spouse for "fixing" the attitude of the person nor your partner has married you to "fix" your attitude. So, if you want to have a peaceful ambiance at your home, you should change yourself. If you say that you do not like to change yourself, remember that your partner may not also like to change. You should accept this fact first. Otherwise, you will constantly be experiencing frustrating moments. The only solution is to accept your partner as she or he is. 

2. The attitude of women and that of men are completely different. 

The way a man views matters and the way a woman views things are completely different. Science has proved this beyond doubt. Men have a tendency to not recognize unverbalized emotions. They think logically and if the information they have does not have a direct link with a problem on hand, they dismiss it. On the contrary, women are empathetic. They are prone to be influenced by emotions and so, they think differently. So, if you think that your way is the ideal one, you cannot be more wrong. Hence, setting standards using your perspective is futile. Never forget the fact that your partner may also have set his or her standards.

3. It is impossible to find a perfect partner.

Finding a perfect partner is akin to landing a perfect job. When you join an organization, your hopes will be high. But there are bound to be areas that may not be to your expectations. Either your boss may be an idiot or your colleagues may be selfish, or the working environment or the working style that prevails in the company may not be to your liking. If all of these are good, your remuneration or the promotional avenues available to you may be less than desirable. 

Finding a perfect partner is similar to this. You may have to make compromises. You can not afford to ignore the fact that your partner is making a lot of compromises and living with you.

4. Never try to control your spouse by using violence.

Some people think that they can control their spouses by using violence. This is not at all acceptable. It will not work and may not get you the results you wish to have. You should understand the fact that shaming or using guilt for controlling a person including your spouse is also a form of violence. 

5. Try to understand the emotions of your partner.

Understanding the emotions of the partner and not minimizing them are important as well. Resentment, anger, and frustration are normal emotions found in every human being. Your partner can get angry over certain things, she or he may not like people whom you like, or she or he may like those whom you do not like, and so on. But you have no liberty to criticize them nor can you expect them to change their likes or dislikes. If you start criticizing their emotions, if you defend your likes or dislikes, or if you try to support those whom they do not like, your partner may get offended. If the partner is weak-minded, she or he may go into a shell. Psychologists call this "emotional withdrawal."

The way to handle such an emotional situation is that you should allow things to cool. Instead of arguing or defending your stand, you should keep quiet. Your stand may be right but you must allow your partner to become normal. Once the emotional outburst is over and they are calm, you can politely ask them how you can help them in the situation. 

6. Disagreements are quite common in relationships. 

Never ignore the fact that disagreements are quite normal in a relationship. You may say that you have the freedom to hold different views on matters. But it is wrong to air your views or to defend your position during such disagreements. You should not try to get even with or hurt the partner also during such situations. She or he does not become a bad person just because her or his views are different,

Married life is a constant "work-in-progress." You should sincerely and continuously work to make it a success.